Fuck Everything And Run
False Evidence Appearing Real
Frantic Effort to Avoid Reality
Fucking Exhausting And Relentless
You may have seen these before, you may even have a favorite of your own! I have lived through them all at one time or another and find myself moving in and out of these definitions nearly daily, particularly now…
When I choose to remain alone in my head this is where I’m most likely to venture. Isolation feels sometimes like a warm blankie that I wrap around my depression.
Alone in my storm, inside, preferring not to engage with others and choosing conversations with the demons instead.
Fucking fear, fucking isolation, it is so familiar and so destructive, and yet I can slip into it as easily as a comfortable pair of socks.
Do you? Do you go there? Do you more now given all that is happening? And if I hear “During these Uncertain Times” one more time I’m gonna… and here it comes the anger, and then the guilt and shame!
I become frozen in isolation and emotion clearly knowing the solution. Connection! Why is it so hard for me to move from the darkness into the light of connection? I suppose I could blame it on my memory, my age or some other bullshit story, however the truth is, I have many shadows that want to run the show, many stories that I have made up or that have been hung on me over the years that have either helped me cope or continue to drive my often unconscious behaviors.
So, what to do? When the pain becomes deep enough, I may reach out for connection, and often, when I need it the most someone in my life reaches out to me!
My invitation to you, knowing clearly I say the things I need to hear the most myself, is to reach out to others. Check in with them and see how they are doing. Let them know you are thinking of them and that you care about them. Make a list, look through your contacts, commit to reaching out to at least five people a day or more until you notice you are leaving the darkness and feeling some sunlight on your soul!
Call me, let me give you a teaspoon or two of my medicine; listening deeply, sharing my experience and my gifts of love and insight. I am here for you, for any of your family and friends to help, if and wherever I can. This is what I do, and it may look like it is altruistic, and there is certainly a measure, however truth be told it is also selfish.
It gets me out of myself, my self-imposed darkness, and into the light. It gives me a connection to you, others and to spirit, my source, the juice, that stuff that I define as love, you know the kind you can’t order online or buy on a street corner! Connection!